The Holy Republic of North Bratislava is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Old Saxophone Joe with a fair hand, and notable for its daily referendums, aversion to nipples, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 9.756 billion North Bratislavans love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The large, socially-minded, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dinkytown. The average income tax rate is 98.1%.

The frighteningly efficient North Bratislavan economy, worth a remarkable 1,893 trillion pounds a year, is highly specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 194,064 pounds, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The people elect the Supreme Court justices directly, street preachers sell salvation with a side order of shame on every corner, modelling agencies send their clients to work in nursing homes, and sales of disinfectant wipes have skyrocketed. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. North Bratislava's national animal is the bison, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Bratislavan Orthodoxy.

North Bratislava is ranked 220,112^th in the world and 8,279^th in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -363.66 on the Scary Big Number Scale.