The Most Excellent Empire of Picairn is a colossal, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Emperor Menellia I with a fair hand, and notable for its pith helmet sales, keen interest in outer space, and ubiquitous missile silos. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 9.064 billion Picairnians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The medium-sized, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Stormridge. The average income tax rate is 98.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Picairnian economy, worth a remarkable 2,326 trillion Dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Tourism, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 256,652 Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Emperor Menellia I can often be seen hanging around playgrounds chatting with the kids, kindergartners' favourite dance move is the stop-drop-and-roll, cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy, and Emperor Menellia I steals from the rich and gives to the needy. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Picairn's national animal is the Phoenix, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Secularism.

Picairn is ranked 3,367^th in the world and 163^rd in The North Pacific for Lowest Crime Rates, with 127.27 law-abiding acts per hour.