The Lotionese Empire of Lotion Empire is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Lotion IV with an iron fist, and notable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, frequent executions, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 5.134 billion Lotionese are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The enormous, corrupt government is effectively ruled by the Department of Defense, although Industry and Law & Order are also considered important, while International Aid and Spirituality aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lotiongrad. The average income tax rate is 98.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Lotion economy, worth a remarkable 1,262 trillion Ludons a year, is quite specialized and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Uranium Mining, Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, and Basket Weaving. Average income is an amazing 245,942 Ludons, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.6 times as much as the poorest.

Newborns are being raised as mindless killing machines, fashion stores are exploding in sales as clothing is reintroduced to the country, unused plastic recycling bins are being dumped into landfills by the tonne, and children have only the most basic of education. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Lotion Empire's national animal is the Golden Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Secular State.

Lotion Empire is ranked 46,610^th in the world and 2,475^th in The North Pacific for Most Pro-Market, scoring 57.89 on the Rand Index.