The Kingdom of PlanetMercury is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Freddie Mercury with an iron fist, and renowned for its smutty television, pith helmet sales, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 2.991 billion PlanetMercuries are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bulsara. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 43.9%.

The frighteningly efficient PlanetMercuryian economy, worth 499 trillion pounds a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 166,894 pounds, with the richest citizens earning 8.9 times as much as the poorest.

A positive pregnancy test doubles as a visa, romantic sunsets are no longer interrupted by explosions and monstrous roars, enemy navies sail within bombardment range of major coastal cities with impunity, and soldiers who shoot themselves in the foot are regarded as heroes. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. PlanetMercury's national animal is the Cat, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

PlanetMercury is ranked 177,574^th in the world and 6,297^th in The North Pacific for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 228.39 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.