The Republic of Selfgradatude is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by president Donald Trump with a fair hand, and remarkable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, zero percent divorce rate, and hatred of cheese. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless, devout population of 23.888 billion Selfgradatudeans enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Selfgradatude City. The average income tax rate is 59.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Selfgradatudean economy, worth a remarkable 1,482 trillion dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity. The industrial sector is mostly comprised of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 62,043 dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Politicians are often found scavenging bins at night to supplement their income, veteran cops reminisce over their heavy armor days, organ donation rates are among the lowest in the region, and the government has pinkie-promised never to use its veto power except in an emergency. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Selfgradatude's national animal is the golden eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Selfgradatude is ranked 233,594^th in the world and 12,386^th in The North Pacific for Highest Crime Rates, with 2.13 crimes per hour.