The United Protectorate of Tepertopia is a titanic, cultured nation, ruled by Gerhard von Selingen with a fair hand, and notable for its aversion to nipples, frequent executions, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 14.182 billion Tepertopians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The relatively small, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Healthcare, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Happelstein. The average income tax rate is 3.5%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Tepertopian economy, worth a remarkable 3,379 trillion Crowns a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Retail. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 238,307 Crowns, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

School guidance counselors recommend monastic vows as an alternative to higher education, soldiers who shoot themselves in the foot are regarded as heroes, citizens are enjoying a recent large cut in taxes, and cassocked priests and choirboys believe that what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Tepertopia's national animal is the Cat, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Cake Supremacy.

Tepertopia is ranked 4,887^th in the world and 70^th in the South Pacific for Lowest Crime Rates, with 120.84 law-abiding acts per hour.