The Most Serene Republic of Esilondre is a mammoth, cultured nation, ruled by High Counciler Alkibiades with a fair hand, and renowned for its ban on automobiles, national health service, and smutty television. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 5.489 billion Esilondreans are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, socially-minded, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Elisia. The average income tax rate is 99.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Esilondrean economy, worth 939 trillion Golden Crystals a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an impressive 171,124 Golden Crystals, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

A degree in High Counciler Alkibiades Science with a Minor in Awesomeology starts many political careers, the Party has more splits than a yo-yo dieter's trousers, every school is receiving a brand new eraser, and soldiers find that home gadgets and power tools are more effective as improvised weapons than the guns they've been issued. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Esilondre's national animal is the Feniks, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Esilondre is ranked 305,082^nd in the world and 4,099^th in the South Pacific for Fattest Citizens, with 3.02 Obesity Rate.