The Serene Dominion of Ancient Slobovia is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Empress Iris IV with a fair hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, national health service, and hatred of cheese. The hard-nosed, democratic population of 30.05 billion Ancient Slobovians hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, outspoken morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Constantinople. The average income tax rate is 84.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The very strong Ancient Slobovian economy, worth a remarkable 1,738 trillion guilders a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity. The industrial sector is solely comprised of the Book Publishing industry. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 57,850 guilders, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Large areas of Ancient Slobovia are not accessible by the public, all mothers are allowed six months fully-paid maternity leave, college students make ends meet by selling their kidneys, and the government is pursuing a new programme aimed at promoting cultural sophistication. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ancient Slobovia's national animal is the silver bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Ancient Slobovia is ranked 57,301^st in the world and 1,978^th in the South Pacific for Rudest Citizens, with 67.65 insults per minute.