by Max Barry

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The Fattest Citizens in the South Pacific

World Census takers tracked the sale of Cheetos and Twinkies to ascertain which nations most enjoyed the "kind bud."

As a region, the South Pacific is ranked 11,303rd in the world for Fattest Citizens.

NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Wastelands of NothreenCorporate Bordello“My way or the highway”
2.The Seafood Paradise of KohrArCompulsory Consumerist State“With oysters we thrive!”
3.The Kingdom of DarkmenIron Fist Consumerists“gold or lead”
4.The Eternal Misfortune of Pencil Sharpeners 2Father Knows Best State“Stop Reading My Motto!”
5.The Armed Republic of SprinklerCorporate Police State“To rule and opress”
6.The Unwavering Love of Land With Lots of ShrimpAnarchy“Can I trade in the children for more cash?”
7.The Please Push Up Endorse Cap of Hong Kong Kowloon and New TerritoriesAnarchy“Make Hong Kong great again”
8.The Republic of OlongonAnarchy“You Can't Stop Progress”
9.The Red Panda Clan of SyvaniAnarchy“Force of Togetherness”
10.The Slab follower of Drew DurrnilAnarchy“literally jesus christ”
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