The Ancient Nordic Lands of Alvalero is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Zander with an even hand, and notable for its parental licensing program, anti-smoking policies, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, devout population of 35.072 billion Alvalerans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked morass — juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Aarhus. The average income tax rate is 90.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Alvaleran economy, worth a remarkable 3,100 trillion Alvaleran Dollars a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 88,392 Alvaleran Dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

The newly revamped army is so eager for action that it has trouble keeping the peace, Zander is plotting to coup the Pacific (Alvalero has found 3 easter eggs), requests to "pass the salt" are supported by tank divisions, and the police use sound cannons and mortars to deal with loud parties. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Alvalero's national animal is the White Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Norse Mythology.

Alvalero is ranked 281,161^st in the world and 10,861^st in Balder for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring -11.61 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.