The Eminent Bakery of Crumpetopia is a mammoth, cultured nation, ruled by HC Gabriel Lancaster with an iron fist, and remarkable for its smutty television, zero percent divorce rate, and national health service. The hard-nosed, cynical, cheerful, devout population of 8.565 billion Crumpetopians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New London. The average income tax rate is 99.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Crumpetopian economy, worth a remarkable 3,479 trillion Crumpets a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 406,293 Crumpets, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Wildlife near farms is slowly becoming extinct, the media have begun calling the government treasury "HC Gabriel Lancaster's stash", viewers get headaches from trying to read the screen full of small print warnings that precede most TV shows, and tabloids coo over HC Gabriel Lancaster's expected child. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crumpetopia's national animal is the Eternal Anglo, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Church of the Baker.

Crumpetopia is ranked 91,672^nd in the world and 91^st in Fifth Empire for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring 2,550.77 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.