by Max Barry

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Most Advanced Defense Forces: 234th Most Devout: 345th Most Ignorant Citizens: 394th
The Holy Pink Morons of
Psychotic Dictatorship
All Hail The Magic Conch
The Magic Conch
Influence
Squire
Region
Civil Rights
Outlawed
Economy
Good
Political Freedom
Outlawed

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Deck

PatrickStar

Population5.349 billion

CapitalShell City
LeaderThe Magic Conch
FaithConchism

CurrencyPatrick
AnimalPatrick

The Holy Pink Morons of PatrickStar is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by The Magic Conch with an iron fist, and notable for its otherworldly petting zoo, complete lack of prisons, and enslaved workforce. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 5.349 billion Patrick are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is dominated by the Department of Defense, with Spirituality and Administration also on the agenda, while Welfare and Social Policy aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Shell City. The average income tax rate is 94.1%.

The Patrick economy, worth 868 trillion Patricks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 162,314 Patricks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.1 times as much as the poorest.

Coastal cities are being moved a dozen miles inland to reduce flooding risk, summer science camps are regularly raided by narcotics police, minefields are being deployed along the border to discourage potential emigrants from trying to leave, and military instructors tire of being asked for another bedtime story by seven-year-old conscripts. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. PatrickStar's national animal is the Patrick, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Conchism.

PatrickStar is ranked 27,660th in the world and 44th in Texas for Most Extensive Public Healthcare, scoring 3,100.53 on the Theresa-Nightingale Rating.

Top
1%
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 234thMost Devout: 345thMost Ignorant Citizens: 394thLargest Black Market: 769thMost Corrupt Governments: 906thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 1,157thMost Primitive: 1,545thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1,576thTop
5%
Highest Unexpected Death Rate: 1,648thLargest Mining Sector: 2,156thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 2,398thMost Avoided: 3,221stMost Conservative: 3,940thMost Authoritarian: 4,894thLowest Crime Rates: 5,171stHighest Average Tax Rates: 5,445thLargest Governments: 6,320thTop
10%
Most Influential: 9,522ndHighest Average Incomes: 10,241stMost Extreme: 10,740thHighest Poor Incomes: 11,845thMost Subsidized Industry: 14,464thHighest Economic Output: 14,829thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 15,718th
Top
1%
Most Ignorant Citizens: 1st in the regionTop
5%
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionMost Devout: 2nd in the regionMost Conservative: 2nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 3rd in the regionMost Primitive: 4th in the regionLargest Black Market: 4th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 4th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 6th in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 8th in the regionMost Extreme: 8th in the regionTop
10%
Highest Average Tax Rates: 9th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 10th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 10th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 12th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 13th in the regionMost Avoided: 15th in the regionLargest Governments: 15th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : PatrickStar was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Advanced Law Enforcement.
  • : PatrickStar was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Most Politically Apathetic Citizens.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, military instructors tire of being asked for another bedtime story by seven-year-old conscripts.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, minefields are being deployed along the border to discourage potential emigrants from trying to leave.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, summer science camps are regularly raided by narcotics police.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, coastal cities are being moved a dozen miles inland to reduce flooding risk.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, the hills are alive with the smell of burning flesh.
  • : PatrickStar altered its national flag.
  • : PatrickStar's influence in Texas rose from "Hatchling" to "Squire".
  • : PatrickStar relocated from Lazarus to Texas.

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