by Max Barry

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Most Advanced Defense Forces: 130thMost Devout: 332ndMost Ignorant Citizens: 456th
The Holy Pink Morons of
Psychotic Dictatorship
All Hail The Magic Conch
The Magic Conch
Civil Rights
Unheard Of
Political Freedom
Unheard Of

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards


Population15.282 billion

CapitalShell City
LeaderThe Magic Conch


The Holy Pink Morons of PatrickStar is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by The Magic Conch with an iron fist, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, triple-decker prams, and compulsory vegetarianism. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 15.282 billion Patrick are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is dominated by the Department of Defense, with Spirituality, Law & Order, and Administration also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Shell City. The average income tax rate is 96.8%.

The powerhouse Patrick economy, worth a remarkable 3,956 trillion Patricks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 258,931 Patricks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects, women find themselves saying "my eyes are up here" more often than they used to, attempted suicide is punishable by public hanging, and the state subsidizes liposuction. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. PatrickStar's national animal is the Patrick, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Conchism.

PatrickStar is ranked 294,910th in the world and 110th in Texas for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring -9.97 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.

Most Advanced Defense Forces: 130thMost Devout: 332ndMost Ignorant Citizens: 456thLargest Black Market: 647thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 973rdMost Corrupt Governments: 1,060thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1,487thLargest Mining Sector: 1,789thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 2,174thMost Primitive: 2,277thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,279thHighest Poor Incomes: 2,802ndTop
Most Avoided: 3,601stHighest Average Tax Rates: 3,731stLowest Crime Rates: 3,776thHighest Average Incomes: 3,996thMost Patriotic: 3,999thHighest Economic Output: 4,293rdNudest: 4,371stLargest Governments: 4,606thMost Influential: 6,910thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 7,446thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 7,803rdMost World Assembly Endorsements: 9,845thMost Advanced Public Transport: 9,896thMost Subsidized Industry: 10,450thMost Valuable International Artwork: 12,914thMost Authoritarian: 13,360thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 15,100thTop
Most Conservative: 17,729thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 18,200thMost Advanced Public Education: 19,816thLargest Populations: 22,327thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 25,115thMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 31,321st
Most Ignorant Citizens: 1st in the regionTop
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionMost Devout: 2nd in the regionMost Primitive: 2nd in the regionMost Patriotic: 3rd in the regionLargest Black Market: 3rd in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 4th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 4th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 5th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 5th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 5th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 5th in the regionLargest Governments: 6th in the regionNudest: 6th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 6th in the regionTop
Most Conservative: 7th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 7th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 10th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 10th in the regionMost Extreme: 10th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 11th in the regionMost Avoided: 12th in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 12th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 12th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : PatrickStar was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Eco-Friendly Governments.
  • : PatrickStar voted against the World Assembly Resolution "Voting Rights Guarantees".
  • : PatrickStar voted for the World Assembly Resolution "Injunct England".
  • : PatrickStar was endorsed by The Smelly City of Sardine World.
  • : PatrickStar voted for the World Assembly Resolution "Commend Madjack".
  • : PatrickStar voted for the World Assembly Resolution "The Civil Charter of the World Assembly".
  • : PatrickStar was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Valuable International Artwork.
  • : PatrickStar voted for the World Assembly Resolution "Repeal "Military Freedom Act"".
  • : PatrickStar was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Conservative and Nudest.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, the state subsidizes liposuction.


World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 7 » Mortionia, NewTexas, Indian Empire, Magnuss, Tishanda, Polish Nomads, and Sardine World.