by Max Barry

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Most Advanced Defense Forces: 239th Most Devout: 352nd Most Ignorant Citizens: 380th
The Holy Pink Morons of
Psychotic Dictatorship
All Hail The Magic Conch
The Magic Conch
Influence
Squire
Region
Civil Rights
Outlawed
Economy
Good
Political Freedom
Outlawed

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Deck

PatrickStar

Population5.803 billion

CapitalShell City
LeaderThe Magic Conch
FaithConchism

CurrencyPatrick
AnimalPatrick

The Holy Pink Morons of PatrickStar is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by The Magic Conch with an iron fist, and notable for its enslaved workforce, otherworldly petting zoo, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 5.803 billion Patrick are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is dominated by the Department of Defense, although Spirituality and Administration are also considered important, while Social Policy and Welfare aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Shell City. The average income tax rate is 93.8%.

The Patrick economy, worth 940 trillion Patricks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 162,017 Patricks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.1 times as much as the poorest.

There is no such thing as an innocent fling in the Patrick military, citizens often glare angrily at jet contrails, the "boy who cried wolf" policy makes sick people reluctant to call an ambulance, and women mime their gynaecological symptoms with hand-puppets. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. PatrickStar's national animal is the Patrick, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Conchism.

PatrickStar is ranked 36,044th in the world and 105th in Texas for Largest Populations, with 5.80 billion Capita.

Top
1%
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 239thMost Devout: 352ndMost Ignorant Citizens: 380thLargest Black Market: 771stMost Corrupt Governments: 930thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 1,231stMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1,521stMost Primitive: 1,528thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1,581stTop
5%
Largest Mining Sector: 2,014thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 2,477thMost Avoided: 3,078thMost Conservative: 4,195thLowest Crime Rates: 5,185thMost Authoritarian: 5,541stHighest Average Tax Rates: 5,610thLargest Governments: 6,537thTop
10%
Most Influential: 9,553rdHighest Average Incomes: 10,237thHighest Poor Incomes: 12,065thMost Extreme: 12,398thHighest Economic Output: 13,992ndMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 14,309thMost Subsidized Industry: 15,061st
Top
1%
Most Ignorant Citizens: 1st in the regionTop
5%
Most Primitive: 2nd in the regionMost Conservative: 2nd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionMost Devout: 2nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 3rd in the regionLargest Black Market: 4th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 5th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 6th in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 8th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 8th in the regionTop
10%
Most Extreme: 9th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 10th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 10th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 10th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 12th in the regionMost Avoided: 14th in the regionLargest Governments: 15th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, women mime their gynaecological symptoms with hand-puppets.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, the "boy who cried wolf" policy makes sick people reluctant to call an ambulance.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, citizens often glare angrily at jet contrails.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, there is no such thing as an innocent fling in the Patrick military.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, mining is the nation's most dangerous occupation.
  • : PatrickStar was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Survivors.
  • : PatrickStar was struck by a Mk V (Cauterizer) Cure Missile from The Gigantic Frozen Igloo of Studly Penguins, curing 1 million infected.
  • : PatrickStar was struck by a Mk V (Cauterizer) Cure Missile from The Gigantic Frozen Igloo of Studly Penguins, curing 1 million infected.
  • : PatrickStar was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Most Survivors.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, the "Rump Diet" is all the rage.

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