by Max Barry

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Most Advanced Defense Forces: 136thMost Devout: 320thMost Ignorant Citizens: 386th
The Holy Pink Morons of
Iron Fist Consumerists
All Hail The Magic Conch
The Magic Conch
Influence
Apprentice
Region
Civil Rights
Unheard Of
Economy
Powerhouse
Political Freedom
Outlawed

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

PatrickStar

Population13.236 billion

CapitalShell City
LeaderThe Magic Conch
FaithConchism

CurrencyPatrick
AnimalPatrick

The Holy Pink Morons of PatrickStar is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by The Magic Conch with an iron fist, and renowned for its prohibition of alcohol, ubiquitous missile silos, and parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 13.236 billion Patrick are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is dominated by the Department of Defense, with Spirituality, Law & Order, and Administration also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Shell City. The average income tax rate is 96.5%.

The powerhouse Patrick economy, worth a remarkable 3,320 trillion Patricks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Furniture Restoration. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 250,834 Patricks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

Birds and children's kites are regularly brought down by anti-aircraft fire, pedants defending The Magic Conch observe that psychopaths and sociopaths aren't exactly the same thing, citizens wouldn't recognise The Magic Conch if they passed one another on the street, and the nation's spies are always on break time. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. PatrickStar's national animal is the Patrick, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Conchism.

PatrickStar is ranked 269,669th in the world and 173rd in Texas for Most Scientifically Advanced, scoring -253.86 on the Kurzweil Singularity Index.

Top
1%
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 136thMost Devout: 320thMost Ignorant Citizens: 386thLargest Black Market: 723rdMost Corrupt Governments: 1,013thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 1,135thMost Primitive: 1,281stLargest Mining Sector: 1,656thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1,681stMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 2,215thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,224thMost Valuable International Artwork: 2,292ndTop
5%
Most Avoided: 3,145thMost Patriotic: 3,325thHighest Average Incomes: 3,878thHighest Average Tax Rates: 3,898thLowest Crime Rates: 4,058thHighest Poor Incomes: 4,330thLargest Governments: 4,782ndHighest Economic Output: 4,933rdLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 5,136thMost Influential: 7,249thMost Subsidized Industry: 8,292ndMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 9,110thMost Advanced Public Transport: 9,147thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 11,125thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 11,734thTop
10%
Most Advanced Public Education: 17,511thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 19,163rdMost Authoritarian: 19,570thLargest Populations: 23,588thMost Conservative: 25,885th
Top
1%
Most Primitive: 1st in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 1st in the regionTop
5%
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionMost Devout: 2nd in the regionMost Patriotic: 3rd in the regionLargest Black Market: 3rd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 4th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 4th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 4th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 6th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 7th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 7th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 8th in the regionTop
10%
Largest Governments: 9th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 10th in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 10th in the regionMost Conservative: 11th in the regionMost Avoided: 11th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 11th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 12th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 12th in the regionMost Extreme: 13th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 16th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 16th in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 17th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, the nation's spies are always on break time.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, citizens wouldn't recognise The Magic Conch if they passed one another on the street.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, pedants defending The Magic Conch observe that psychopaths and sociopaths aren't exactly the same thing.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, birds and children's kites are regularly brought down by anti-aircraft fire.
  • : Following new legislation in PatrickStar, shock troops shock enemy forces with their nudity.
  • : PatrickStar's influence in Texas rose from "Newcomer" to "Apprentice".
  • : PatrickStar was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Largest Populations.
  • : PatrickStar relocated from Balder to Texas.
  • : PatrickStar altered its national flag.
  • : PatrickStar was refounded in Balder.

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