The Holy Pink Morons of PatrickStar is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by The Magic Conch with an iron fist, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, triple-decker prams, and compulsory vegetarianism. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 15.282 billion Patrick are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is dominated by the Department of Defense, with Spirituality, Law & Order, and Administration also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Shell City. The average income tax rate is 96.8%.

The powerhouse Patrick economy, worth a remarkable 3,956 trillion Patricks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 258,931 Patricks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects, women find themselves saying "my eyes are up here" more often than they used to, attempted suicide is punishable by public hanging, and the state subsidizes liposuction. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. PatrickStar's national animal is the Patrick, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Conchism.

PatrickStar is ranked 294,910^th in the world and 110^th in Texas for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring -9.97 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.