The Free Democratic Democracy of Ear Exploder 9000 is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Imperator Joe Average XVIII with an iron fist, and remarkable for its smutty television, infamous sell-swords, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 7.136 billion Earexplodians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is effectively ruled by the Department of Defense, although Industry is also considered important, while Spirituality and Welfare aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cacophonia. The average income tax rate is 93.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Earexplodian economy, worth a remarkable 1,920 trillion Decibels a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, quite specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 269,071 Decibels, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Citizens are deployed to barren deserts to protect small territorial claims, colonial subjects have Earexplodian culture shoved down their throats, nobody ever seems to enter or leave the armour-plated flying castle that serves as the seat of government, and the monarch frequently needs protecting from misfiring protection. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ear Exploder 9000's national animal is the Joeaveragian Pike, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Joeism.

Ear Exploder 9000 is ranked 311,473^rd in the world and 722^nd in 10000 Islands for Safest, scoring 5.14 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.