The Free Isles of Sartuchka is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Your Mum with a fair hand, and remarkable for its smutty television, complete lack of prisons, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic population of 3.239 billion Sartuchkans love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The enormous, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Saraliaysk. The average income tax rate is 69.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The large but inefficient Sartuchkan economy, worth 134 trillion leaked docs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Pizza Delivery, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Soda Sales. Average income is 41,503 leaked docs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The nation is experiencing a severe shortage of sporting events, voting is voluntary, pareidolic SETI scientists swear there's a message from aliens hidden within pi, and citizens are encouraged to report friends, family members or co-workers who seem depressed to the government for "counselling". Crime is totally unknown. Sartuchka's national animal is the Arctic nautilus, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is None.

Sartuchka is ranked 301,253^rd in the world and 736^th in The Leftist Assembly for Most Advanced Defense Forces, scoring -7.07 on the Total War Preparedness Rating.