The Mystical Isles of Dutchyland is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Dutchy with a fair hand, and renowned for its teetotalling pirates, state-planned economy, and hatred of cheese. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 25.289 billion Dutchylandians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dutchopolis. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Dutchylandian economy, worth a remarkable 8,502 trillion Dutchers a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Information Technology. Average income is an amazing 336,228 Dutchers, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Preschools put children down for naps with milk, cookies, and a gruesome story of vengeance, would-be emigrants are told "abandon all hope all ye who would exit here", write-in candidate 'Dutchy Sucks' is perennially popular, and government officials sit helplessly as they are labelled 'Pompous Womples' by celebrities. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Dutchyland's national animal is the Dutchay, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Dutchyland is ranked 191^st in the world and 8^th in The North Pacific for Lowest Crime Rates, with 252.59 law-abiding acts per hour.