The Empire of Bistrostan is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Leader with an even hand, and renowned for its anti-smoking policies, otherworldly petting zoo, and compulsory military service. The compassionate, cheerful population of 44.592 billion Bistrostanians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The relatively small government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bistrostan City. The average income tax rate is 90.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Bistrostanian economy, worth an astonishing 22,236 trillion drachmas a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 498,657 drachmas, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Thieves find battery shops juicier targets than banks, recorded music can be rented but not bought from record companies, practising saying 'how now brown cow' is an essential part of holiday planning, and organised sports are frowned upon as frivolous. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Bistrostan's national animal is the cheetah, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Bistrostan is ranked 654^th in the world and 1^st in The GameFAQs Forum for Safest, scoring 182.08 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.