The Protectorate of Apah is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Governor Colt Corbane with an iron fist, and renowned for its enslaved workforce, sprawling nuclear power plants, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.346 billion Apahians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Administration and Welfare are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Fuerte Apah. The average income tax rate is 74.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The large but sluggish Apahian economy, worth 238 trillion Lexells a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, quite specialized black market in Trout Farming, Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 37,508 Lexells, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.9 times as much as the poorest.

New arrivals are asked the location of the Minister of the Interior's birthmark, the fines for getting caught with the wrong recipe book can force Apahians into bankruptcy, judicial robes are the country's hottest fashion trend, and people feel the most alone when among peers. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Apah's national animal is the kangaroo, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Sunshowerism.

Apah is ranked 48,734^th in the world and 1,033^rd in the Rejected Realms for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring 632.49 on the Clooney Contribution Index.