The Return of Hepner is a colossal, socially progressive nation, ruled by Bowzin with an iron fist, and renowned for its irreverence towards religion, suspicion of poets, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 6.063 billion Hepnerians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The tiny, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Defense, and Law & Order. The average income tax rate is 7.0%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The strong Hepnerian economy, worth 438 trillion Pens a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Furniture Restoration industry, with major contributions from Pizza Delivery, Basket Weaving, and Cheese Exports. Average income is 72,243 Pens, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.8 times as much as the poorest.

The nation is ravaged by daily union strikes, engine room hooch is the drink of choice among the nation's navy, studio executives abandon tragic stories of star-crossed lovers because "it's been done", and the path to inner peace is paved with state-mandated punishment. Crime, especially youth-related, is well under control. Hepner's national animal is the Paper.

Hepner is ranked 77,531^st in the world and 1,983^rd in the Rejected Realms for Most Corrupt Governments, with 21.68 kickbacks per hour.