The Armed Criminality of Xastarda is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Godfather Crazy Loon Longanelli with an iron fist, and notable for its parental licensing program, compulsory military service, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 3.883 billion Xastardans are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, socially-minded government is primarily concerned with Law & Order, with Industry, Education, and Defense also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Indifference. The average income tax rate is 31.8%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The large but inefficient Xastardan economy, worth 133 trillion PeiAsters a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is broadly diversified, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Cheese Exports, and Book Publishing. Average income is 34,399 PeiAsters, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Citizens are now allowed to discuss whether Godfather Crazy Loon Longanelli is the greatest ruler ever or simply the greatest ruler of this generation, high-income earners pay a 100% tax rate, a life spent suffering in silence is considered noble, and all the playground's a stage for Xastardan schoolchildren. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Xastarda's national animal is the Giant Wolverine and its national religion is FootBaalism.

Xastarda is ranked 193,512^th in the world and 215^th in The Regected Realns for Most Primitive, scoring -78.42 on the Scary Big Number Scale.