The Republic of Slattern is a massive, safe nation, remarkable for its otherworldly petting zoo, ubiquitous missile silos, and hatred of cheese. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 3.834 billion Slatternians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Welfare, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 66.0%.

The strong Slatternian economy, worth 154 trillion blue bloods a year, is highly specialized and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Automobile Manufacturing, Pizza Delivery, and Soda Sales. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 40,191 blue bloods, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.8 times as much as the poorest.

Blind dates tend to result in bruised shins, planes can be grounded for months simply because an inspector "didn't like the color", meetings are often scheduled for "about four-ish" following complete conversion to sundials, and children prefer to begin their day with push-ups rather than breakfast. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Slattern's national animal is the kaiju, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Slattern is ranked 281,360^th in the world and 2,021^st in Remembrance for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -10.95 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.