The Matriarchy of Second Place is First of the Losers is a gargantuan, orderly nation, renowned for its state-planned economy, compulsory military service, and punitive income tax rates. The cynical population of 21.463 billion Second Place is First of the Losersians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The enormous, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 64.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Second Place is First of the Losersian economy, worth 927 trillion Blue Ribbons a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Woodchip Exports, Soda Sales, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is 43,222 Blue Ribbons, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Crop circles are intently studied by investigators with questionable merits, blind students are at a disadvantage now that test papers printed in braille have been discontinued, the new national mascot has to be wheeled onto the field of play, and arthritic surgeons with tremulous fingers reassure patients that they are in safe hands. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Second Place is First of the Losers's national animal is the Prize Stallion, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Second Place is First of the Losers is ranked 94,219^th in the world and 1,350^th in Suspicious for Lowest Crime Rates, with 66.6 law-abiding acts per hour.