The East of Eastern is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Cliff East with an even hand, and remarkable for its ubiquitous missile silos, hatred of cheese, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 25.397 billion Easternians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The large, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, with Education, Industry, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Easttown. The average income tax rate is 73.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Easternian economy, worth a remarkable 3,917 trillion Easts a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Woodchip Exports, and Furniture Restoration. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 154,241 Easts, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.5 times as much as the poorest.

Jobs opportunities abound in the Hole Recycling industry, major corporations receive tax breaks for no apparent reason, conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings, and the government is a proud sponsor of the National Gaming Association. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Eastern's national animal is the panda, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Easternianism.

Eastern is ranked 4,653^rd in the world and 33^rd in The East Pacific for Most Valuable International Artwork, with zero Bank.