The Democratic States of New Xyroxes is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Zylon Kromak with a fair hand, and remarkable for its national health service, pith helmet sales, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, democratic population of 5.452 billion New Xyroxesians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, liberal, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Xyloth. The average income tax rate is 74.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient New Xyroxesian economy, worth 772 trillion Credits a year, is highly specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 141,725 Credits, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Visiting dignitaries often end up cuddling in the hot tub with Zylon Kromak, sex-ed is child's play, workers for the environmental protection agency are patted down for tartar sauce every morning, and the government is washing its hands of alleged corruption. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. New Xyroxes's national animal is the BearSquirrel, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Pastafarianism.

New Xyroxes is ranked 277,683^rd in the world and 6,065^th in The North Pacific for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -9.8 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.