The Grand Republic of Havenwelle is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Kevin Burke with an iron fist, and notable for its pith helmet sales, aversion to nipples, and hatred of cheese. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 19.213 billion Havenwelleans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grand Haven. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 65.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Havenwellean economy, worth a remarkable 4,274 trillion Havs a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing and Information Technology. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 222,458 Havs, with the richest citizens earning 6.2 times as much as the poorest.

The people are famous throughout the region for their perfect yellow teeth, viewers get headaches from trying to read the screen full of small print warnings that precede most TV shows, possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence, and religious households enthusiastically use whips in private. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Havenwelle's national animal is the Brittany Spaniel, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Church of Havenwelle.

Havenwelle is ranked 620^th in the world and 13^th in the South Pacific for Most Corrupt Governments, with 592.48 kickbacks per hour.