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Do you want to sign a thigh bone?
You'll find it's really nice.
We'll feed you sticky ribs and Beerquilla,
do we have to ask you twice?
*broadcast on all major radio stations in the Antarctic*
My fellow Antarcticans -
It has come to our attention that a invading army has set ashore on our sovereign territory with aims at taking over our fair region. I am sure the majority of you have also noticed this and just assumed, as always, that the genetically mutated polar bears that we... err... SOMEONE created would take care of them. However, these invaders seem to be a bit... uh, different. The polar bears are used to meat, and well, lets just say they have no interest in these invaders. Reports have come in that this army is made up of what can only be described as.... undead. Thus, the seriousness of this invasion cannot be taken lightly. The Voltarum has already collected all swords and most militia and handed out clubs and other bludgeoning weapons to deal with this threat. We recommend other nations do the same, and take up arms against these invaders of our fair region.
Your truly,
The High Order of the Voltarum
*Overheard in The Temple of Science, the main Voltaru Atheist "church"*
"Undead? That means they WERE dead, right?"
"I guess.. its been a long time since I played D&D."
"So they know for sure that god doesn't exist! We have to interview these people... err things? 20% of the Voltarum still believes in a higher power! We can change that!"
*Finishes his snickers bar.* "How many cameras you want?"
2 hours later a caravan of reporters and camera men set out for the Skeleton Army camp.
1 hour after that a small armada of Voltaru warships sets off toward the Icebreaker ship.
3 Hours before all of this, a small army of Voltaru reporters head toward the Skeleton's camp, including a large contingent who wish to write about how one goes about becoming an undead skeleton. Several goth teenagers who continue to claim that it isn't that cold out are included.
Thrax, Capital of Athani. Starbucks #4627842, "Shady Corner" Section.
"Are they here yet?"
"Yes, landed a day or so ago."
"So your plan worked?"
*Eyes twinkle* "So far. Of course, as far as anyone knows, they just 'found' our region."
"Aren't you afraid of them? I mean, they are skeletons... what if they do actually take over the region? What if they have a disease or something!"
*Eyes roll* "Let the Voltaru eggheads and the Ap0caplyse army tackle that 'problem.' In the mean time, we move in, capture a few of them, and reap the benefits."
"Won't the other conglomerates catch on?"
"Maybe, but by then it will be too late. We WILL discover their secrets, and we WILL be the company that successful markets the anti-death pill. I have our best labs on standby. Imagine the power we will have..." *wipes a small amount of drool*
"And if not? If its some kind of voodoo magic or divine power?"
"Halloween comes every year, my friend. Everyone needs some decorations."
X.M.S. Kašo
Lt. Romanov: Capt., I just got Intel on the enemy.
Capt. Miyamoto: What is it, Romanov?
Lt.: They are, um, a little different than we imagined.
Capt.: Define different, Romanov.
Lt.: They're undead, sir. Skeletons.
Capt.: That's impossible.
Lt.: I'm afraid not, sir. They came by land, too.
Capt.: Oh. Continue surveillance. They might be sending ships, too. I've seen this military strategy before. They send ground troops to scope out the area to distract us, before laying siege with warships.
*wraps her cloak around her....nudges Ronnie*
Are those reporters over there? Perhaps I had better put up the security dome.
Have the minions all landed yet?
Joke's on them, turns out "most" of us are skeletons too, but with advanced meat body bioarmors.
I think the minions are playing with the penguins. They may be waltzing - something about happy feet?
Those are reporters and those are....hmmmm, skeletons with steaks attached, interesting. And those are some goth teens who are slowly turning blue. Or perhaps they're Vulcans. I'm not sure. And over there seem to be a group of priests.
Yes, the security dome would be a good idea.
Goblin engineer: Did someone mention building something??
Jurryrig: Build build!
*Collective Goblin engineer take parts and metal from the ATV Dreadnaught and build a security dome around the entire Skeleton army encampment*
Mercenary: Wait if you can maje a security dome why can't you make me some power armor!?
Goblin engineer: Its quite simple. You need to pay money while the queen and the safety of others come first *He says with a grin*
*Hands over the knitwear for the rest of the Skeleton Army*
Thisss sssshould keepsss usss warmsesss
*Multiple Voltaru reporters continually bonk into the security dome like roombas. The Skeleton Army can barely make out a repetition of "We have questions!" from the mass. There are approximately 300 cameras with them. The contingent from the Atheist Church have begun to set up camp. Many have cardboard signs that have things like "Welcome God Destroyers" and "We love Cheese, but not God." Some are studying the dome and attempting to dismantle it.*
Meanwhile, their leader approaches the dome and knocks as load as he can:
"Um, Skeleton Army - We have some very important questions to ask you. As Envoys from the dark abyss of death, we wish to talk to you about your experience. Hello? Skeletons?"
*Thundering hooves resound on the Great Crystal Ice Bridge, as reinforcements for the terrible skeleton army arrive. One reinforcement, to be precise. One reinforcement on her trusty skeletal horse. In a never before seen act of bravery crossing the Southern Ocean, the skeletal horse carrying the Bone of Contention to her destiny rides across the sky on a glittering arch. Behind their gallant gallop, the Great Crystal Ice Bridge, shattered under the impact of the bone horse’s hooves, crumbles to glittering pieces, greedily swallowed by the salty Southern Sea. The Bone of Contention, gripped by battle fever, waves her Ice Spear and bellows:*
Surrender to our Magnificent Queen Ramazakal, Antarctica! She will rule most graciously over all your… your… ice! Your ice, yes! And your frozen land mass! And we warriors will throw a huge party for you!
*The last pieces of the Ice Bridge crumble into glittering ice shards, as the pair arrives on the Antarctica soil. But what is this? An unexpected host of adversaries meets our belligerent Bone. She is blinded by paparazzi flashlights. Her horse gets entangled in a mess of fibre cable. A battalion of industrial sized floodlights stand in her way, and eager make-up artists pounce, attempting to apply matte powder to her skull. Questions, statements, counter-statements and leading questions pelt her from every side. The most gallant ride has been deftly intercepted by the most unexpected and devious of defense traps - the media.*
Whatwhatwhat? I am but a simple warrior. Sorrysorrysorrynotsofast. Metaphysiwhatwasthatagain?
*Most of the minions did the sensible thing and transported the container with party supplies ashore via the gangway. Four minions however were not so sensible. They watched the penguins who came to greet them, and imitating them in high spirits, did the penguin dive and belly slide. Result: four minions in frozen woolly battle gear frozen to Antarctica's land ice, struggling feebly.*
*sees contention surrounded by the media......opens a door in the dome for her hopes she makes it. Sends skeletal soldiers to unstick minions. Writes note to regions leader to meet for tea and discuss the situation.....makes note into paper airplane and throws it*
Trudges forth in pink woolly booties to use anti-freeze to unstick soldiers and minions. Thanks, Shelob!
*the sky turns dark as millions off vampiric kittens desend upon the region.....*
*Comes stumbling in, eyes fixed firmly to a vampiric kitten holding a skeletal kitten in the sky*
*trips on a native*
Sorry about that. My kitten was missing for a while and...
*a small pebble bounces off his skeletal skull*
he appears to be up there.
*Collective soldiers go to unstick the minions with hot water in buckets*
Soldier: We're comi.g minions!
*The Reporters Swarm the woman on horseback*
"Who are you, why have you come to Antarctica?!"
"Are you prepared to be destroyed by the Voltaru Defense Force?!"
"Who are you wearing!?"
"Did you meet a higher power when you died!?"
"Who is going to win the Hookball tournament this year?!"
The paper airplane thrown by the Queen flies through the Antarctic air and strikes the near frozen hair of a teenage goth who is near hyperthemia. Resigned at the whole situation, he leaves it there while he fails yet again at lightning a cigarette. One of the Atheists plucks it from his hair. It isn't long until the letter content is broadcast across Antarctica.
Sitting next to a warm fire back in the capital of Ohm, The Premier of the High Order sighs heavily and picks up the red phone next to her chair. An hour later, conference call done, she heads out the heated tunnel to her awaiting plane. Her scowl deepens even further as she notices a storm brewing off the west coast. As she gets ready for departure, she stares blankly at the red phone to her right, hoping to get a call from either Joop or Pengwiniah. The phone remains silent as she takes off toward the Skeleton Army base camp.
The small group of Athanians, nearly unnoticeable amongst the lights of the media coverage, spot the stuck minions rather quickly and move in to grab them. One signals their VTAATV (Vertical-Launching Transforming Antarctic All Terrain Vehicle) and it quickly moves toward their position, where its modifications are clearly seen - the back of the vehicle looks like it is now a holding cell. As the small team moves in, they realize several factions of invaders are moving to assist the stuck minions as well, but luckily the Athanians reach them first. As the team commands the vehicles All Purpose Mechanical Arm to tear the skeletons from the ice to the cell, the Queen appears from the protective dome and throws her airplane.
The Team Leader, a Level 87 Capitalist and decorated Profit Enforcer of 14 years stops in his tracks. The radiance, the perfection - the Skeleton Queen. His men ask for orders, yet the only thing in his mind is the question "Is there a Skeleton King?"
*steps back to the safety of the dome.......watching the chaos before her*
Ronnie has contention arrived in the dome yet? I do hope we wont have to battle these um media people.....I do need to get my hair done. *walks towards minions to help....notices vehicals headed towards her little minions frowns and raises her hand*
Bone seems to be in the tent, but her horse is giving an interview.
*Scoops up the minions, while the Team Leader admires the wonder that is the sovereign majesty of The Skeleton Army. *
Shelob? Sweetie? Did you bring any black knitwear? I believe the goth over there could use some.
*To the minions* No more penguin sledding until they sign the thighbone of surrender. C'mon. I know where there's some hot buttered rum.
Truly, this is a dark time for the great land of Antarctica, for the undead hordes have arrived on our shores, the normally ferocious Antarctic polar bears don't even seem interested on gnawing on their bones, and our missile reserves all seem to be filled with zombie-cure instead of explosives. But even though huge tracts of land may fall to the armies of darkness, we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight on the ice sheets. We shall fight on the ice shelves. We shall fight on the glaciers and the ice streams. We shall fight in the blizzards. We sha-
Actually, why don't we just go back inside and wait for the invaders to get cold and go home? Do skeletons get cold?
*Collective soldiers spot the Athani team and send a small team of Assassins along with rogues and other stealthy types who quickly surround them to pour hot water on them*
Teleport into the region and set up several buffet tables with hot plates and grills.
We're here to cater breakfast for you today.
We've got tea, coffee, cocoa, milk, water, assorted fruit juices and smoothies.
There's toast, muffins, croissants, biscuits, pancakes and waffles (even Belgian Waffles). There's also butter, margarine, jellies, jams, syrups and whipped cream to put on all those lovely carbs.
The Klingons (a gift from 
Trecdom will be delighted to cook meat to order. There's fish, ham, Spam, breakfast steaks, BACON!!!!!, and sausages (link, patty and blood). Also, they're quite adept at cooking eggs to order.
Come and fill your bellies before resuming negotiations, interviews, being misunderstood and cold, sticking to ice, knitting, pondering the unponderable and analysis.
Oh how lovely thankyou bears
*goes to enjoy a hearty breakfast*
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