The Eternal Misfortune of Heliosphere is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Leader with an iron fist, and notable for its prohibition of alcohol, compulsory vegetarianism, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical, humorless population of 17.756 billion Heliospherans are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Education, although Environment, Industry, and Administration are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Heliosphere City. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Heliospheran economy, worth an astonishing 13,152 trillion Novas a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Information Technology and Cheese Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 740,735 Novas, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Diaper sales are up, young children are learning advanced physics to scientifically disprove the existence of Santa Claus, billions of Novas are spent to take high-quality photos of the Meteor Nebula, and the doctor has cold hands. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Heliosphere's national animal is the Meteor, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Atheism.

Heliosphere is ranked 285,650^th in the world and 32^nd in Pencil Sharpeners Puppet Storage for Safest, scoring 3.03 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.