The Armed Republic of Sprinkler is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Adolf Einstein with an iron fist, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, compulsory military service, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 13.234 billion Sprinklerians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The minute, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Defense, although Industry, Education, and Administration are also considered important, while Environment and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Purgatory. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Sprinklerian economy, worth a remarkable 6,305 trillion slaves a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an amazing 476,498 slaves, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 4,435,093 per year while the poor average 4,643, a ratio of 955 to 1.

Pinkerton agents are called in to forcibly break up white collar strikes, unused plastic recycling bins are being dumped into landfills by the tonne, running away is an essential part of the elite forces' hand-to-hand training, and justice is available only to those who can afford its price tag. Crime is all-pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Sprinkler's national animal is the subhuman, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Sprinkler is ranked 294,345^th in the world and 5,621^st in the South Pacific for Nicest Citizens, with 0.04 average smiles per day.