The Armed Republic of Sprinkler is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Adolf Einstein with an iron fist, and renowned for its public floggings, vat-grown people, and otherworldly petting zoo. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 14.575 billion Sprinklerians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The minute, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Defense, although Industry, Education, and Administration are also considered important, while Environment and Welfare aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Purgatory. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Sprinklerian economy, worth a remarkable 6,974 trillion slaves a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an amazing 478,491 slaves, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 4,453,968 per year while the poor average 4,658, a ratio of 956 to 1.

The inchworm that measured the marigolds is six feet under, the new "Bloodbath" orange tree autonomously seeks and destroys independent orchards, possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence, and mantis shrimp studies is academia's fastest-growing field. Crime is all-pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Sprinkler's national animal is the subhuman, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Sprinkler is ranked 1,877^th in the world and 22^nd in the South Pacific for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring 13,768.5 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.