The Gnarling Grey Wolves of Loanden is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Bella with an iron fist, and remarkable for its compulsory military service, complete lack of public education, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 24.412 billion Loandes are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The minute, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government, or what there is of one, is effectively ruled by the Department of Defense, with Welfare and Social Policy not funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kalaceldo. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 3.9%.

The powerhouse Loandish economy, worth a remarkable 2,084 trillion bones a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Retail. Average income is 85,383 bones, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 781,461 per year while the poor average 1,004, a ratio of 777 to 1.

Innocent defendants often plead guilty for fear of receiving a much harsher sentence before jury, government police forces protect public schools from the threat of protest, fraternities are notorious for drunken hooliganism, and the nation is experiencing a severe shortage of sporting events. Crime, especially youth-related, is pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Loanden's national animal is the golden jackal, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Human Sacrifice.

Loanden is ranked 291,675^th in the world and 137^th in New Europe for Lowest Crime Rates, with 16.13 law-abiding acts per hour.