The Golden Empire of Kratistolies is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by The Primarch with an iron fist, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, complete lack of prisons, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate, cynical, cheerful population of 21.611 billion Kratosians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kallipolis. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Kratosian economy, worth a remarkable 9,758 trillion Drachmas a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is an amazing 451,536 Drachmas, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Mums always ask their three-year-olds for permission before hugging them, hospitals in Kratistolies are too busy serving the needs of Lazarus to see Kratosians, youth rights demonstrations often end in vicious snowball fights, and most of the nation's wealthy aristocrats are dentists. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kratistolies's national animal is the Dragon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Atheistic State Worship.

Kratistolies is ranked 191,803^rd in the world and 7,733^rd in Lazarus for Safest, scoring 49.98 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.