The Sun-Scorched Saxon Kingdom of Esplandia is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Emperor Irwin IV with an iron fist, and remarkable for its strictly enforced bedtime, smutty television, and rampant corporate plagiarism. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 18.756 billion Esplandians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Industry, with Education, Environment, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Law & Order and Social Policy aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Karþied. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 49.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Esplandish economy, worth a remarkable 3,783 trillion Scylds a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Cheese Exports industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Basket Weaving, and Gambling. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 201,741 Scylds, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,822,703 per year while the poor average 2,692, a ratio of 677 to 1.

Citizens are expected to be proficient in at least five languages, recent events in Dàguó have been classified 'for Emperor Irwin IV's eyes only', citizens who become homeless are immediately executed, and public incontinence is a growing problem amongst the nation's women. Crime is moderate, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Esplandia's national animal is the Falcon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Eallostianism.

Esplandia is ranked 289,412^th in the world and 6,296^th in The North Pacific for Nicest Citizens, with 0.22 average smiles per day.