The Last True Viking of Esplandia is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Emperor Irwin IV with an even hand, and notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, ban on automobiles, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 12.606 billion Esplandians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Karthied. The average income tax rate is 84.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Esplandish economy, worth a remarkable 1,922 trillion Scylds a year, is quite specialized and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Cheese Exports, and Arms Manufacturing. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 152,521 Scylds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

The richest individuals apparently buy nothing but noodles and toilet paper, Chekhov's guns are killing the entertainment budget, athletic teenagers are among the wealthiest members of society, and hiding wrinkles with make-up is illegal. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Esplandia's national animal is the Falcon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Aelostianism.

Esplandia is ranked 180,167^th in the world and 6,631^st in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -99.85 on the Scary Big Number Scale.