The Kingdom of Esplandia is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by King Sherwin V with an iron fist, and renowned for its free-roaming dinosaurs, flagrant waste-dumping, and exploding hoverboards. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 4.274 billion Esplandians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Karthied. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 72.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Esplandish economy, worth 594 trillion Crown Florents a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Cheese Exports industry, with major contributions from Retail, Book Publishing, and Arms Manufacturing. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an impressive 139,035 Crown Florents, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 443,632 per year while the poor average 33,125, a ratio of 13.4 to 1.

A new religious movement claims that people's souls are stored in phosphorous, government-run brothels can be found on every street corner, sneezing pedestrians are grabbed by alley-lurking doctors, and scientists are researching the best way to kill off humanity to prevent catastrophic war. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Esplandia's national animal is the Falcon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Aelostianism.

Esplandia is ranked 141,765^th in the world and 7,079^th in The North Pacific for Most Armed, with 0.13 Weapons Per Person.