The Kingdom of Esplandia is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by King Sherwin V with an iron fist, and remarkable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, compulsory military service, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 4.66 billion Esplandians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Karthied. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 68.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Esplandish economy, worth 641 trillion Crown Florents a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Cheese Exports industry, with major contributions from Retail, Book Publishing, and Arms Manufacturing. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an impressive 137,617 Crown Florents, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 479,511 per year while the poor average 28,755, a ratio of 16.7 to 1.

The government is a law unto itself, boys who even ask about cheerleading are placed on the Sex Offenders Register, King Sherwin V's media campaigns take a hiatus around exam week, and the tinfoil-hat crowd also recommend tinfoil wallets. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Esplandia's national animal is the Falcon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Aelostianism.

Esplandia is ranked 13,363^rd in the world and 321^st in The North Pacific for Most Stationary, with 781.70783304 Days.