[Align=justify]DO NOT DO THIS! You might feel unhappy, insecure, broken, etc. But in the end, you need to realize that life gets better.

Trigger: Answering the same issues many times?

The Issue

With the same old dilemmas confronting @@NAME@@ time and time again, people are demanding to know why there aren't more genuinely new issues.

The Debate

1."Well, that's because they're all twaddle,” says [violet] matter-of-factly while twirling a lighter in her hands. "I'm sick and tired of reading that garbage. I've decided to scrap the player-submitted system -- but don't tell anyone that. The endless waves of hate mail would overwhelm the server."

“player submitted issues are printed just so they can be burned by [violet]”

2."The aim of this site is to promote my novel, not the writing talents of literary wannabes," scoffs Max Barry while sipping an iced-Margarita on a yacht in the South Pacific. "I've ordered the mods to only approve mediocre issues to ensure that no one discovers there are better writers out there than me."

“it is universally agreed that the first 31 issues are the only ones with humor and charm”

3. "I've been combing through the queue, carefully examining each draft and determining its potential," sighs Sedgistan who is sitting next to an orderly stack of drafts stamped 'no way in hell'. "I'm confronted with thousands upon thousands of issues. I have to manage multiple editors and somehow still place in the Mod Olympics. Do you have any idea how much stress that puts on me? That's why it takes so long. Stop breathing down my neck. If you want to be useful, go help out the newbies in Got Issues."

“aspiring authors begrudgingly help proofread issue submissions”

4. "Huh? What's that?" says Sanctaria absentmindedly, looking up from an intimidating series of flow charts. "More issues? Well, it's your lucky day! I'm working on my next great chain. It will dwarf my last one in size and complexity. Forget everything you know about issues, every rule you think we can't break, because this chain is going to break them all."

“Players panic as they discover the newest chain can reset their populations and even delete their nations.”
5."I couldn't agree with this more!" yelps Comrade Lenyo, his arms full of drafts. "We've received over 6,000 submissions! If we just got rid of the delete button, that'd be over 6,000 more issues. Who doesn't want that? Why are we still wasting time talking about this? Why are you reading this instead of submitting more drafts for us to add? EVERY. SECOND. COUNTS!"

"Common misteaks slip threw as the Issues Editing Team adds issues by the hundread."
6. The deafening Voice of Mod booms down from the heavens, "You will receive new issues when you receive new issues. Your questioning is undermining the authority of the mods. I've deleted enough nations to know flaming when I read it. You have been warned."

“Text rains down on the head of anyone who dares to step out of line.”

Most of the nations I have noticed having this issue—and there have been many—were larger rather than smaller. The exact cutoff remains unknown.
 
#471: Easter Egg: Red Sleigh Down (new as of December 2015)

Trigger: Using a @@LEADER@@ named with 'Nick' in it. Nick can be the first name, the last name, the only name, and probably the middle name. I’m unsure whether compounds like “Nicky” will work. This appears to be one of the easier Easter Eggs to get.

The Issue

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through your house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. When out in the lawn, there arose such a clatter! You sprang from your bed, to see what was the matter. Away to your window, you ran like a flash, tore open the shutters, and threw back the sash. When what to thy wondering eyes did appear? Your advisers had gathered, some smelling like beer. They were shouting and arguing, filling the night with their cries; they were speaking of an emergency, that was happening high in Nation@@'s skies.

The Debate:

1."We have an unidentified flying object violating our air space!" pants your Aviation Minister Aaron Falopian, turning a shade of purple, clearly out of breath from running all the way to your house. "It's not responding to our hails - you know, I don't think it even has a radio. We've issued numerous warnings to turn back too. This could be an armed drone, or some drunk yuppie, but I don't care what it is - the moment it crossed our borders, it became a security risk! I highly recommend that you allow us to shoot this terrorist down.

“children across Nation@@ are mourning the loss of Santa Claus after the military shot down his sleigh”

2."Don'tcha know that you're talking 'bout Santa Clauseee!" slurs concerned parent Mia Eliot, stinking to high heaven of sherry. "D'yareallywant t'shoot down Santa in front of the innocent eyes of @@ADJECTIVE@@ childers? Do you really want to kill the Christmas shpirits? Let the flying thing come in. It's Santa Clauseee! The childers of Nation@@ will - *hiccup* - thank you for it."

“the government is lax about national security during the Christmas period”

3."I think there's an easier way to ensure security but doesn't ruin the holidays," muses your partner, also awoken by the commotion outside. "Just like any visitor to Nation@@, make Santa go through all the necessary hoops. Visas, taxes for his imported goods, and those flying reindeer of his probably have rabies and should definitely be quarantined. Santa might not appreciate being strip searched, but hey, that's the price of security."
“Rudolph has been put down after fears he had foot-and-mouth disease”

4."Are we forgetting that Santa Claus is a wanted criminal in Nation@@?" asks overzealous police officer Wil Christensen, brandishing a picture of Santa's mug shot. "The guy has literally countless breaking and entering, looting, and animal cruelty charges against him. Let's also not forget the hundreds of elves he's enslaving all year round. For all we know his so-called "gifts" are nothing more than anthrax-laced candy. And I hear his reindeer shoot lasers from their eyes! We must stop this threat before it's too late. Then he can face the full wrath of Nation@@'s justice system!"
“Santa is trading presents for smokes while awaiting sentencing for crimes against humanity”

5."Are we really taking this Saaanta thing this seriously?" yawns your teenage, social justice warrior daughter. "I hate to be the one to say this, but Santa isn't real. He was invented by the Seppsi soda company to deceive little children and boost their sales. If you really want to get into the spirit of the season, you should be less of a scrooge and spend more on social welfare, combating homelessness, and reducing the poverty levels. It's easy to do, especially if you order every working citizen to forfeit most of their month's salary in tax. Sure they won't be able to afford loads of toys, but Christmas is way too commercialised now anyway. The poor and homeless need money more than I need another Max Barry doll."

“homeowners often burn Christmas trees just to stay warm”

6."Not real, you say?" questions a large, jolly man sporting a white beard, red hat, and thick boots who just slid down your chimney. "I can assure you that I'm the genuine article! Now all of this talk about shooting down my sleigh only proves what I've long suspected - Nation@@ has been very, very naughty. Why, your crime rates are so high it sent my Naughty or Nice Detector haywire! Your unfeeling ways has killed your Christmas spirit. I'm afraid that you are all on my naughty list and will get no presents this year - only coal. Ho, ho, ho!"

“smog covers @@CAPITAL@@ as the populace burns record amounts of coal“

Recommendation: I generally choose option 2 as the least objectionable and least aggressive. 1 is the warlike choice. I find 3 and 4 objectionable. 5 and 6 could have negative effects on your environment.

Author: Kenny Soto

Date: February 23, 2012

Original:http://archive.boston.com/lifestyle/blogs/thenextgreatgeneration/2012/02/opinion_the_pros_and_cons_of_i.html

OPINION: The pros and cons of internet porn

It seems hard to believe that there was a time when internet pornography didn't exist. Just like water flows freely into our homes at our beck and call, so does free porn. Jenna Jameson, James Deen, and Sasha Grey have become household names (and, in some cases, best-selling authors). At any given moment, your deepest fantasies -- and those acts you couldn't even think up in your wildest dreams -- are available at your fingertips.

We are the first generation to have grown up with access to instant, free, and uncensored pornography. Back when our parents and grandparents were growing up, a man's (or woman's) porn collection was a dirty little secret kept out in the shed or hidden in a footlocker. The teenager lucky enough to get his hands on a copy of Playboy or Penthouse kept it under lock and key (i.e., under his mattress) until it was literally worn out.

But how has this instant access affected us personally, sexually, and in our relationships? How has this rush of material that was once considered shameful and outlawed in many communities changed the way we look at the world, our loved ones, and ourselves? How has internet porn affected our daily lives?

"I wouldn't be able to sleep at night!" said one 25-year-old male, who wished to remain anonymous, when asked what his life would be like without instant access to pornography. "How would I ever write a paper or get any work done?" said another, also 25. Just as some of us have a glass of wine to wind down after a tough day at the office or drink an extra cup of coffee or Red Bull to help us focus on writing a paper, some of us now turn to porn.

But that constant barrage of unrealistic human proportions has also changed the way we view our own bodies. The pressure to turn ourselves into sex objects is higher than ever. Think about what you've gone through physically and financially in the last year for body hair removal alone. Women regularly experience the wonder of a bikini wax, while guys know it's no longer safe to share a beard trimmer with their brother or room-mate. The hair that the fewest people see is the best-tended.

Some also opt for surgery to help complete the package. The number of breast enhancements performed each year has nearly doubled since 1997. A girl used to get a normal gift (like rhinoplasty) for her high school graduation; now she gets new boobs. And it's not just the ladies: Drug stores now feature dozens of products that claim to increase a man's size and improve his sexual abilities, and penis enhancement surgery, at the low cost of $17,000 per operation, is growing in popularity.

Still, it might not be all bad. There's a possibility that online porn is the crime fighter the world has been searching for. While anti-porn activists often point to the availability of internet porn as a cause of sexual assaults and violence against women, the number of sexual assaults has fallen about 60 percent since the mid-'90s -- the time when most of us got internet connections in our homes. Perhaps potential rapists are instead sitting at home watching The Gang Bang Theory or Breaking Dawn on their iPads, making the internet a 21st-century porn Batman.

As we sink further into the digital world and continue to separate ourselves from actual human contact, free, on-demand pornography will only further penetrate our psyche. To keep from total mind melt, I beg of you, watch with a friend, or better yet, a partner. I'm not here to tell you that we've gained or lost anything due to internet porn, but I do want to make one thing clear: The internet and personal listening and viewing devices have already segmented and destroyed our art, theatre, and music communities. Please, don't let it do the same thing to sex.

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Thanks Krypton Nova for the idea.