The Black Hound of Schmerz is a massive, socially progressive nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, zero percent divorce rate, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-working, democratic population of 3.324 billion Schmerzians are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The relatively small, pro-business, outspoken government is primarily concerned with Administration, with Defense, Education, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while International Aid and Spirituality are ignored. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 10.8%.

The strong Schmerzian economy, worth 140 trillion rubles a year, is quite specialized and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with major contributions from Woodchip Exports, Arms Manufacturing, and Basket Weaving. Average income is 42,384 rubles, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 252,993 per year while the poor average 3,238, a ratio of 78.1 to 1.

Claims of miracles are met with calls to eradicate religion as superstitious nonsense, lobbyists are trying to convince government to recategorize most natural disasters as "non-critical naturogenic inconveniences", the only way to escape lengthy prison terms is in a body bag, and all government facilities are built in the subterranean citadel of Schmerz City. Crime is a problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Schmerz's national animal is the eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Schmerz is ranked 92,013^th in the world and 64^th in Portugal for Nicest Citizens, with 14.16 average smiles per day.