The Quinto Império of Portucal is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Balduíno Oliveira with an even hand, and remarkable for its fear of technology, keen interest in outer space, and aversion to nipples. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 14.419 billion Portuguese have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The relatively small, corrupt government prioritizes Industry, although Defense, Administration, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Social Policy and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lisboa. The average income tax rate is 21.6%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Portuguese economy, worth a remarkable 1,665 trillion Escudoes a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Gambling. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 115,538 Escudoes, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The people's love for Balduíno Oliveira is little more than self-preservation, jumping in puddles after rainstorms has become an indoor activity, the face of Balduíno Oliveira is a permanent feature of the Lisboa skyline, and the nation's leader is normally just referred to as "snuggle-wuggle-huggy-bear". Crime, especially youth-related, is a major problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Portucal's national animal is the Cod Fish, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to heavy metals seepage into national waterways, and its national religion is Catolicismo.

Portucal is ranked 18,663^rd in the world and 10^th in Portugal for Most Armed, with 5.89 weapons per person.