The Republic of Aquilonia-Caithness is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Leader with an iron fist, and renowned for its parental licensing program, ban on automobiles, and enforced nudity. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 45.784 billion Aquilonia-Caithnessians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The relatively small, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, although Healthcare is also considered important, while Spirituality and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Aquilonia-Caithness City. Income tax is unheard of.

The thriving Aquilonia-Caithnessian economy, worth a remarkable 3,714 trillion flayed chinchilla skins a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, extremely specialized black market in Gambling and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 81,134 flayed chinchilla skins, with the richest citizens earning 5.7 times as much as the poorest.

The most popular stadium acts are one-off performances, exports of chewing gum are inexplicably falling, citizens are deeply regretting challenging the government to be honest about its intentions, and over a third of the seats in sports stadiums have been removed to make room for female-only commodes. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Aquilonia-Caithness's national animal is the phoenix, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is a major religion.

Aquilonia-Caithness is ranked 4,318^th in the world and 189^th in Lazarus for Highest Food Quality, scoring 218.11 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.