The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by Exalted Holiness with an iron fist, and notable for its closed borders, zero percent divorce rate, and fear of technology. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 17.389 billion Free Joyers are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Spirituality, Law & Order, and Industry also on the agenda, while Welfare and Social Policy aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grand Central City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 66.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Free Joyish economy, worth a remarkable 4,357 trillion Sweetings a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, Uranium Mining, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 250,602 Sweetings, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,115,210 per year while the poor average 35,048, a ratio of 31.8 to 1.

Asking 'a penny for your thoughts?' draws law enforcement response, hell hath no fury like an ocean scorned, agricultural profit margins are on fire, and "Darwin's Disease" is a growing cause of death. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. The Free Joy State's national animal is the Dove, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The True Church of the Exalted Holiness.

The Free Joy State is ranked 1,241^st in the world and 10^th in Forest for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 311.87 on the Bus Surprisal Index.