The Republic of Noristoniaka is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by Ivan Talvenpoigu with an even hand, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, museums and concert halls, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 7.414 billion Karjalans enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Petroskoi. The average income tax rate is 97.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Karelian economy, worth a remarkable 1,576 trillion rublas a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 212,666 rublas, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The acceptance of acupuncture and other alternative therapies has needled the scientific community, scientific journals publish third-graders' school essays, strip mining of rare earth metals is up while back problems are down, and whenever pilots have to bail out the government bails out their company. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Noristoniaka's national animal is the eider, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Orthodox Christianity.

Noristoniaka is ranked 3,941^st in the world and 63^rd in Europe for Lowest Crime Rates, with 122.55 law-abiding acts per hour.