The Eternal Assurance of Phaphonies is a mammoth, genial nation, ruled by Francisco Baltazar with a fair hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, daily referendums, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, democratic population of 6.235 billion Sagen are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, liberal, socially-minded, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Iloilo. The average income tax rate is 82.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Sagan economy, worth 829 trillion Tabs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is broadly diversified, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is an impressive 133,096 Tabs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Major cities are suffering under water rationing, juries deliberate more than magic 8-balls, grinding bureaucracy has the international wheels of justice turning slowly, and the Party has more splits than a yo-yo dieter's trousers. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Phaphonies's national animal is the Jaguarundi, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is New Sincerity.

Phaphonies is ranked 316,588^th in the world and 37^th in The Embassy for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 21.36 on the Bus Surprisal Index.