The Eternal Misfortune of Xynlandia is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by some random guy with an iron fist, and notable for its disturbing lack of elderly people, ban on automobiles, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 19.994 billion Xynlandians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order also on the agenda, while Education and Welfare aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of XXXX. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Xynlandian economy, worth an astonishing 12,996 trillion Xyniums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 650,027 Xyniums, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Summer science camps are regularly raided by narcotics police, foreign leaders who don't applaud some random guy's speeches are regarded as enemies of Xynlandia, the military conducts 'training exercises' in prisons, and exceptionally healthy police officers can sprint after crooks for hours on end. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Xynlandia's national animal is the Xylophone, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is the best religion.

Xynlandia is ranked 33^rd in the world and 1^st in Pencil Sharpeners Puppet Storage for Lowest Crime Rates, with 343.43 law-abiding acts per hour.