The Totally gay assassin of Upper Calvonia is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by King Simon 'Devil's Hand' with an iron fist, and renowned for its teetotalling pirates, sprawling nuclear power plants, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 2.586 billion Upper Calvonians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The City of Crime. The average income tax rate is 70.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Upper Calvonian economy, worth 522 trillion Blood-stained coins a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Retail, and Information Technology. Average income is an amazing 202,006 Blood-stained coins, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.9 times as much as the poorest.

The nation is devoted to world peas, the nation is reliant on the principle of mutually assured destruction to maintain its security, people are always able to look each other in the eye, and jury selection begins with explaining what a jury is. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Upper Calvonia's national animal is the Black Mamba, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Worship of the Man Downstairs.

Upper Calvonia is ranked 16,997^th in the world and 1^st in Vulture of War for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 8,704.7 on the Edu-tellignce® Test Score.