The Teutlander of The Teutonic Kingdom is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Teutlander with an iron fist, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, complete lack of prisons, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 3.79 billion Crusaders are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Law & Order and Industry are also considered important, while Environment and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Neukönigsberg. The average income tax rate is 21.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Northern economy, worth 641 trillion Denars a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Information Technology, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 169,319 Denars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.3 times as much as the poorest.

Running away is an essential part of the elite forces' hand-to-hand training, metal detectors at school gates make sure that teenagers are carrying at least one sidearm, heartfelt sentiments are mercilessly marketed by a million-Denar treacle machine, and students are wary of colorfully decorated new teachers with names like Professor Pipsqueak. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Teutonic Kingdom's national animal is the Reichsadler, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Roman Catholicism.

The Teutonic Kingdom is ranked 270,104^th in the world and 5,324^th in The North Pacific for Largest Trout Fishing Sector, scoring -7.59 on the Nemo Depletion Efficiency Index.