The Federal States of New Mayonnaise is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by John Whicke with an even hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, vat-grown people, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 11.437 billion Mada dayoes have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Chiz Whiz. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 40.8%.

The frighteningly efficient New Mayonnaisean economy, worth a remarkable 1,055 trillion Tickets a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Retail, Information Technology, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is 92,286 Tickets, with the richest citizens earning 5.8 times as much as the poorest.

Over a third of the seats in sports stadiums have been removed to make room for female-only commodes, the new foreign policy is "why bother invading neighbours when they can be bought wholesale?", the constant playing of Merry Birthday on New Mayonnaisean radio has led to calls for the song to be classified as a crime against humanity, and a blood-red mark on the doorframe means a building must be passed over for destruction. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. New Mayonnaise's national animal is the Lake Seal, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Atheism.

New Mayonnaise is ranked 63,472^nd in the world and 1,879^th in The North Pacific for Lowest Crime Rates, with 71.12 law-abiding acts per hour.