The Republic of Eviteen is a massive, socially progressive nation, renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, ban on automobiles, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, devout population of 1.099 billion Evitains are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Welfare, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ceelay. The average income tax rate is 25.2%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The Eviteenian economy, worth 57.8 trillion Diatian Dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, fairly diversified black market in Soda Sales, Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Tourism. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 52,637 Diatian Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Those who cut young children are told to cut it out, child support loans with high interest rates are available in Eviteenian banks, official government guidance encourages binge behaviors, and Leader has been self-declared as the Most Supreme Magnificent Overlord of Everything You Ever Saw. Crime is totally unknown. Eviteen's national animal is the Kwajrehd Mountain Goat, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Eviteen is ranked 59,161^st in the world and 3,072^nd in Osiris for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 1,930.88 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.