The Republic of Beernem is a massive, orderly nation, renowned for its frequent executions, parental licensing program, and state-planned economy. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 1.267 billion Beernemians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Administration. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 56.7%.

The all-consuming Beernemian economy, worth 130 trillion Ducats a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, quite specialized black market in Information Technology, Trout Farming, Arms Manufacturing, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 102,942 Ducats, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 332,699 per year while the poor average 24,071, a ratio of 13.8 to 1.

Tombstones are ten feet high to accommodate the names of inhabitants, the government baselessly accuses foreign dignitaries of being assassins, trolls insist that strings of racial slurs mean "good morning" in obscure languages, and shoving people into lockers qualifies you for a ministerial position. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Beernem's national animal is the Bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Beernem is ranked 189,735^th in the world and 701^st in Novaya Zemlya for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 1,112.64 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.