The Democratic Republic of Beazlend is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by Tommy Wiseau with an even hand, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, rampant corporate plagiarism, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, cheerful population of 18.005 billion Beazlendians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Alfenheim. The average income tax rate is 99.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Beazlendian economy, worth a remarkable 4,486 trillion Zennis a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 249,161 Zennis, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Politicians sweat as journalists scour internet archives for any mention of them, a child's only Trickster Night scare is the sight of their parents dancing, lending money has become a major liability, and Tommy Wiseau has been nicknamed 'Robomop'. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Beazlend's national animal is the Flying turtle, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Atheism.

Beazlend is ranked 1,389^th in the world and 2^nd in The Atheist Empire for Most Beautiful Environments, with 4,004.96 pounds of wildlife per square mile.