The Jingoistic States of Alf Garnett is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Sir Alfred Garnett with an iron fist, and remarkable for its parental licensing program, strictly enforced bedtime, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 42.645 billion Garnettians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The tiny, corrupt government prioritizes Law & Order, although Defense is also considered important, while Social Policy and Environment are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dear Old London Town. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Alf Garnettian economy, worth an astonishing 13,437 trillion pound sterlings a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Automobile Manufacturing, and Retail. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 315,100 pound sterlings, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,232,761 per year while the poor average 54,868, a ratio of 22.5 to 1.

The nation's diplomatic missives are now delivered via sniper rifle, the nation has recently been attributed to the funding of terrorist organisations, graffiti artists spend lengthy periods of time in jail, and british bulldogs are becoming popular in pet stores nationwide. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force. Alf Garnett's national animal is the british bulldog, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Church of England.

Alf Garnett is ranked 698^th in the world and 1^st in The Lexicon for Fattest Citizens, with 70.8 Obesity Rate.