The Islamic Republic of Kelzay is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Kashid Aslam with an iron fist, and notable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, ritual sacrifices, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 3.305 billion Kelzayans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Jibran. The average income tax rate is 30.3%.

The powerhouse Kelzayan economy, worth 236 trillion Moraks a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Trout Farming, Tourism, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 71,669 Moraks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.6 times as much as the poorest.

Pareidolic SETI scientists swear there's a message from aliens hidden within pi, Kashid Aslam claims tax rises are the result of 'curses', poaching has been on the rise after animals from the nation's zoos were released into the wild, and wars of expansion are described as "peacekeeping operations". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kelzay's national animal is the Snow Leopard, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities, and its national religion is Sunni Islam.

Kelzay is ranked 116,109^th in the world and 1^st in Messiah for Lowest Crime Rates, with 64.81 law-abiding acts per hour.