The Holy Empire of Excalbia is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Emperor Joseph with a fair hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, ubiquitous missile silos, and anti-smoking policies. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 35.662 billion Excalbians love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The relatively small, socially-minded government is primarily concerned with Education, although Law & Order, Defense, and Public Transport are also considered important, while Social Policy and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Citadel Excalbia. The average income tax rate is 9.8%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Excalbian economy, worth a remarkable 6,452 trillion Western Atlantic Ducats a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Pizza Delivery, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 180,944 Western Atlantic Ducats, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The entire entry for Excalbia in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the World reads 'mostly harmless', politicians have literally dirty hands from their extracurricular activities, social networking sites have discussion groups devoted to planning terrorist attacks, and the government seizes corporate assets it deems 'scary enough'. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Excalbia's national animal is the highland bear, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is the Church of Excalbia.

Excalbia is ranked 9,228^th in the world and 8^th in Western Atlantic for Most Developed, scoring 91.05 on the Human Development Index.