The Holy Empire of Excalbia is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Emperor Joseph with a fair hand, and notable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, ubiquitous missile silos, and anti-smoking policies. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 31.416 billion Excalbians love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The tiny government is primarily concerned with Education, with Law & Order, Defense, and Public Transport also on the agenda, while Social Policy and International Aid aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Citadel Excalbia. The average income tax rate is 8.0%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Excalbian economy, worth a remarkable 5,644 trillion Western Atlantic Ducats a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Pizza Delivery, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 179,680 Western Atlantic Ducats, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Pet loving officers arrest citizens who don't give their dogs enough biscuits, prolonged government investigations are a common revenge tactic among spurned significant others, battlefield gains are quickly lost when enemies don't respect a time-out, and passionate nomination battles are often as intense as general elections. Crime is totally unknown. Excalbia's national animal is the highland bear, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is the Church of Excalbia.

Excalbia is ranked 280,882^nd in the world and 40^th in Western Atlantic for Most Primitive, scoring -433.31 on the Scary Big Number Scale.