The Holy Empire of Excalbia is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Emperor Joseph with a fair hand, and notable for its zero percent divorce rate, ubiquitous missile silos, and keen interest in outer space. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 29.767 billion Excalbians love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The tiny, outspoken government is primarily concerned with Education, with Law & Order, Defense, and Public Transport also on the agenda, while Social Policy and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Citadel Excalbia. The average income tax rate is 7.6%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Excalbian economy, worth a remarkable 5,357 trillion Imperial Sovs a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Pizza Delivery, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 179,996 Imperial Sovs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Giggling elementary school newspaper reporters want to know why Emperor Joseph is a silly poophead, Emperor Joseph is strangely popular with male politicians' wives, the jails are alive with the sound of birdsong, and signs at the border tell international drivers where they can put their cars. Crime is totally unknown. Excalbia's national animal is the highland bear, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is the Church of Excalbia.

Excalbia is ranked 14,904^th in the world and 6^th in Western Atlantic for Lowest Crime Rates, with 92 law-abiding acts per hour.